I have a great longing to have lived, and grown up in wilderness. I think this is the first lifetime I've lived in a big City. That is if recurring lives are true. This is also I think the first time I'm male. I just never got the hang of it,...so to speak.
Most of my longings are for wilderness. Farms meadows.
My family had a dairy farm down South for generations. So I missed my rural destiny by just a few decades. In the life cycles it was time for me to push on,...into a vast City Nation.
I had children too...in those other lives. Many lives as a mother.
That is very clear.
In this present life I was always the one to care for the children of family. I had a child with a dear friend long ago. The little one didn't make it. Miscarriage. There's no grave. Our industrial values didn't allow for one,...it was just tissue.
I dream of him/her sometimes. The child appears as one or the other in my arms.
About our farm though. If we still had it my brother, and I would have been running it. We'd have passed it on to our kids by now. Grand kids learning the trade now as well.
So farms behind me in this City World I'm living in now.
Stay Tuned.
Yeah I'd like to go off-planet. This place is fucked. But I'm not quite ready to cash it in; there's still some stuff I'd like to say about the way life *should* be - in my art, mostly. Most likely nobody will ever listen and the world will be as fucked up as ever if not worse, and after my death my works will be allowed to mildew and molder to a lump of green decay - hell, it's already happening. But I've got to say it anyway. It's an obsession I have.
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