"...can't hold it?"

"Step on it Pop!. Homeland Security is after me for pissing in the street. That's a Class "A" Sex Crime now!" 

"They wanna put me away as a serial offender." 

"I tell ya this country's gone nuts!"

This is true comrades. There's some States where hosing the sidewalk can get you put away. I don't see how, but drain'n your schlong in the bushes is a sex crime now. The culture Wars have so distorted reality that basically Everything is illegal. 

Junior is right things have gone frigging nuts here.