Saturday, October 10, 2015


Sometimes I can't believe I lived this, and survived,...mostly. I remember being cold, and wet all the time. Didn't smell too swell either. that, and always so tired. 

You can't lay down, and sleep. 

You learn that's just too dangerous...crazies, and or cops will get you. You squat in a shaded or dark place, and cat nap. An old friend, and his wife let me shower, and sleep in the safety of their home every few weeks. This so I could keep a few shreds of my dignity. 

'...and them damned airport suitcases on wheels we all used.

I still have mine, two of them, in case I need them again. That's a common fear with "Homeless Survivors"...we might have to go out again. I think this is why I never bought furniture or large unmovable possessions.

My sister bless her. 

She got me my bed chairs dining room set TV cable, and such.  I was too fearful to get anything myself. I was waiting, and preparing for then next round. In some ways though it's years now I'm 'still' preparing.

The return from the "Outside" is like returning from an unpopular war. Nobody wants to hear anything from you. Most people even friends got tired became impatient of hearing about it. I sought counseling because I needed badly to speak about what had happened. However i could find 'none'.

Then I saw the truth of it.

There 'were' services for the Homeless, and those in danger of falling into it. However the City, and State had no budget for the few "Returned". They never expected any number of people to survive, and return. The bureaucracy basically expected most if not all of the Homeless to stay that way. Even die that way.

Those few that 'did' come back were statistically invisible.

We are Invisible. 

We go about our lives now saying little or nothing about what for us was the most catastrophic event in our lives. Again like war veterans that never speak of what they saw, and what they did to survive.

Nothing more to say.

Stay Tuned. 


  1. Amazing. I'm speechless every time I hear you write about your homeless periods.
    What a shitless society we have created. Huh?

  2. Thank you for your kindness. I also suggest you see the film "We Don't Exist" online or get the DVD. As I say there is a personal disbelief this really happened. It was like being in a natural disaster or a war...but it did. It happened.

    Only once, but that was enough for this lifetime.

    From time to time yes I do write about it here, and on my Face Book page. I get the same reaction I got from those in my non digital "real" life?

    Basically nothing.

    No one wants to know. They're disturbed by the whole thing...even most friends. they just don't want to know. It's like having some sort of disfigurement...they don't wanna know about it, and resent you forcing them to see it.

    I 'will' write of it again because I must. I've no other outlet for healing. So I write really for myself. I really don't expect anyone to read or react to any of it.

    Bless you for acknowledging me, and 'all' of who, and what life has made me.

    Stay Tuned.

  3. I've always been horrified by the phenom of homelessness. Among wealthy nations, only a shit society would allow it to happen to thousands upon thousands of its citizens. A great many people have become so inured, so indifferent to the suffering of others that their empathy has been corroded away, and with it their humanity. We are a nation of zombies and pod-people babbling into their cell phones and texting fatuous drivel to one another as we pick our way through the human wreckage that predatory capitalism creates.

    I never saw a homeless person in my life until Reagan was president. Some might say this was because I grew up in a privileged community full of well-off white people. But I don't believe it; the last time I was there I saw a homeless man grovelling on the sidewalk right next to someone else's gold Mercedes, a sight that in the same exact spot would have been utterly inconceivable during my boyhood. This was brought to us by neoliberal economics.

    I'm terrified of the threat of homelessness. I'm really not that far from the edge myself. I suspect that people don't want to look at the topic, and resent having it drawn to their attention, because they wish to maintain the pretense that it could never have anything to do with them. To look at it honestly is just too scary. So they fob off responsibility on the expendable people, basically for their own psychological comfort.

    I also suspect that this is a very useful state of affairs for the ruling class, as it helps to keep the masses frightened into docility and obedience.


  4. Yes it does frighten. I noticed it all around me even from those I thought once as friends. That fear as you say is very useful. Useful indeed.

    Anon, and Zaek thanks for being there.


  5. Sidney I wanna know what you think of this. There's a guy named Greg Kloehn who builds tiny little micro-houses for homeless people he knows, out of stuff people have thrown away. They're mounted on shopping cart wheels for easy relocation. Some people don't like these houselets, say they look like dog houses - with some truth in some cases. Yet if I were out in the street I think I'd be very glad to find a shelter, any shelter, that gave me a measure of security and protection from the weather.

    I think the problem could be solved, if we had a will to do it, even at such a basic level. A person can sleep comfortably and safely in a pod half the size of a small car. Public baths like the Romans had could make it easy to keep clean. Not ideal of course, but a damn sight better than what we have now. Why aren't such things all over the place?

    I think it's our society's fixation on property. Basically, capitalism is shit. It will oppose and persecute anybody doing almost anything constructive to help people.

    I remember how long it took you just to be able to go to sleep in a bed again without freaking out. No one should ever have to go through that.