"Mittens" Trump nominee for "Department of Sentient Animals, and Lost Skate Keys". "Mittens" who served in the Bush administration was called out of her,...or his semi-retirement to stand for this important post.
Sez "Mittens" "It is an honor to serve this clearly disturbed administration."
"...I could use a few laughs."
"Also his resignation or impeachment is a near certainty. So this post will not be a serious inconvenience for me. As for the position,..."
"I will guide the welfare of all American Sentient Animals." In particular I shall address the Catnip, and Squeak toy Scourge which is laying waste to the Cat Community. "As for the Skate Keys they never say much. They mostly just stay in their crates at the bottom of Lake Michigan."
More on this story as events warrant.