Tuesday, May 26, 2015
"Oh yeah well Bleep you Too!"
Well I got some mail from the dreaded "Department of Old Farts" today. Happily they didn't want me to mail them a "stool sample" this time.
Instead they sent me a wad of papers.
A steaming heaping pile of confusing mistake inducing gibberish pages for me to read, and sign.
It starts out, "...It has come to our attention that you may 'still' be alive, and not kicked the bucket as scheduled."
"If this is so you probably want us to keep feeding you, and giving you Meds. Unfortunately regulations still force us to keep your worthless butt alive, and a drain on the economy."
If alive check "Yes", if almost alive check "Sorta".
It went on like this for '35 pages'...yeah you read right!
'Thirty five' scary threatening pages. Which had to be signed by me or whoever has the gleeful job of polishing my bedpan.
In fact this bleep is an "improvement".
They used to make you crawl down to their office to in person prove you were breathing. However the mortality rate for that trip was starting to look embarrassing.
So now we can mail it in. As the digital generation ages it'll be online.
Hey sorry for still breathing you evil bleeping bleep bleeps. I'll try to drop dead before the next fiscal year.
Your evil hearts should explode in your stingy chests.
'Of course I mean all this in a nice way.
*To the Dept. of "Old Farts Legal Div."
From the "Pink Pony Asylum for Old Queers"
Our "guest" Mr. Smith is 108 years old, and a retired Army nuclear bomb frosting taster. Any statements he may have made criticizing your Department is the result of radiation dementia, his weird sense of humor, and a generally bad attitude.
Of course we have sent you Mr. Smith's brain kidney, and stool samples you requested. This was not a problem as he sleeps 23 hours a day, and naps the rest of the time. If you would like any other portion of Mr. Smith please don't hesitate to contact us.
We at the "Pink Pony" are always happy to assist Homeland Security, and any other branch of our Federal Government.
Respectfully, Edward Goebbels, no relation, Director.