Tuesday, December 24, 2013
I had another of those dreams. I was walking..so far..I was walking so very very far. My feet hurt I looked down they were bleeding. I left foot prints of blood on grey concrete.
This place was bleak.
All seemed made of the same course grey stone. The road, and the low rise building on either side. Grey cold. I seemed to have companions, but could never quite see them. I was I think homeless wandering. I lived this once before though now it was in a dream-scape.
It was always noon.
No morning no night no evening.
I was near a sea. There were submarines diving just off the coast. so many. It seemed as if squadrons of them were slowly going down one after another.
...and there was singing.
The "Sailor's Hymn"...I could faintly hear it in the sea's distance.
"Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who bidd'st the mighty ocean deep,
It's own appointed limits keep;
Oh hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the Sea!"
And so they dived. All manner of submersibles. WW2 Gato Class subs to today's California, and Montana Class nuclear Boomers.
The sea washed the blood from my feet.
The dream morphed as they do, and I was sweeping the floor of an abandoned building. I was nearly naked. I wore just scraps of rags. I heard a baby crying down the hall. I went opened the door, and saw the child's shadow...just the shadow. The room held a shadow which cried, and cried.
I closed the door, and returned to sweeping.
Another morph, and I was rummaging in a bin for cloths. They were all like the thin rags I was wearing. A person came, and handed me a pair of new jeans.
...and a silver dollar.
She said I could sleep on the roof. She said the birds would "protect" me,..."they protected everybody" here.
And I did sleep on the roof. I slept in the eternal noon of that world. I lay there as swarms of birds danced above.
The I awoke.
Christmas eve just another day of damage control.
Controlling the multi-megaton hit of my forced retirement. I've found that there's so much to do to maintain a life where there's nothing to do.
My damned insurance!
It was supposed to be automatic, but I've spent weeks trying to get the damned thing hooked up. It's there now, but they ain't sent the frigging card yet, and I can't download the temporary one.
Typical end of our American Empire "Catch-22" crap!
I was also up all night going crazy with anxiety depression rages despairs, and assorted real, and imagined dementia's. Sound familiar. It's the Boomers past time these daze.
I put my pants on jam my Yankee's cap on my head, and head out into the Emerald City dawn. Well gloom is more like it. Dawn comes when it damned well feels like it this time of year.
I headed up to the City University Campus in the Yukon of Manhattan. This to work on my damned stupid radio program that six people listen to. I'd have a bigger audience if I did it live in Central Park or on a subway platform.
Speaking of the trains in the twilight hours they're always weird...expresses become locals...the "Three" become the "Four", the "N" becomes the "A", and the "Q" just plain vanishes. Gone vaporized for hours.
Someone should write a book about what realms the "Q" slips over into during them faerie-time hours.
Aw, but here come my train. Filled to the brim with night workers going home, and day workers just starting to head in.
All of them passed out.
Them, and so many Homeless. The come, and go like the tides. When Washington or local, and state money is flush for their care they're gone. When the Republicans manage to cut funding they return.
The Repubican Nazi fucks have cut the cash for these folks again. That, and axed extending unemployment for the millions laid off during this Great Depression.
I think it's time for radical, and insane shit to be done to these evil stingy Repubo-fucks.
I'll just leave it there.
I mean it would be uncool for a Pacifist to advocate mass executions slow red hot torture, and other interesting stuff so I'll just chill, and think of Krishna.
Btw when I finally gets all the bleeping way uptown to the CUNY Campus there's a sleeping homeless family on the bench right in front of me as the subway doors open.
As the lame though hopeful, and gentle Tiny Tim said,..."G-d Bless us Everyone."
I walk up the stairs from the station, and there's an elderly homeless woman who has apparently had enough, and snapped.
She rants at the top of her horse voice,..."G-ddamn Everyone!" "...G-ddamn You All to Hell!!" "...Damn You!!!..Damn You..Damn You!!!"
That's going to stay with me for the rest of my life.
Would that the various Chairman of this or that Federal Funding Board could have seen, and heard it.
Merry Christmas my dear Friends.