Sunday, August 9, 2015
"Wisdom of the Aged"
(Your esteemed Editor as a newly minted Old Guy.)
Well there I was just finishing a shower a bit ago when I find my self flying out the bathroom, and into the hall. No not another Alien Abduction.
They don't seem interested after a certain age.
No it wasn't that. I slipped. Well that's the best word I have for flying, and spinning out of control. So I gets out of the tub as usual...it's in the Queers pocket guide. Pages 28 thru 62.
That means shower twice a day. Three times in summer or as needed. Incidentally I highly recommend "Pears" soap. "Been Cleaning the Stink off the Working Class for 115 years!"
Eh, that's not really their ad copy, but it should be. The stuff is a UK import. If you look at late 19th century images of London, and such you'll see their ad plastered all over the place.
But I digress.
So I does the suds two step finish up step out of the tub, and go flying. At first I wasn't sure what was up. Ya know that feeling when you're not in control of your body...that was it.
I slid, and began doing twists...around, and around, and heading to the bathroom door past it into the hall, and well on my way to the kitchen. I wasn't even stoned.
I comes to a stop at my front door on which someone's knocking.
eh,..."Who is it".
I ask in my best Haus Frau voice.
"Good morning Ma'am,...we'd like to speak to you about Our Lord, and Savior Jesus Christ."
You can't make crap like this up. I'm flying down the hall with my schlong hanging out, and run smack into the Big Guy. ...or at least a couple of his reps.
So I sez, "...No thanks fella's I'm Buddhist".
Which wasn't exactly a lie since my Chinese grandma was a Buddhist Catholic. Them nuns that were kicking the shit out'a me back in the day would'a had kittens if they knew about that.
"Can we leave some literature for you?"
So eager were these two to save my soul.
"Of course just slip it under the door".
Which they does, and leave looking for more likely takers.
Ya know if I was a youngster again I would'a opened the door, and engaged in a theological discussion with our heroes there. This with my swell junk hanging out all over the place.
(Self portrait of yours truly as a sweet young kiddie...nice huh?)
A few years after the above I was something to see when I had my girlish figure. As it is I didn't want to frighten them by showing 'em the gruesome reality that was waiting for them in just a few decades. I couldn't be that cruel.
So to sum up.
Please be careful getting in or out of a tub. Don't get your foot caught on the shower curtain...ya could break your neck. Make sure the floor isn't wet or soapy...mine was both. Also make sure you're awake, and paying attention...I wasn't.
See gang this is what comes with age. Stuff you never had to think about now takes careful planning. I'm thinking of posting a booklet of bleep to know for the Newly Aged.
Chapter One "....you ain't Bleeping 16 anymore!"
Good place to start ya think!