Saturday, October 18, 2014


I was thinking, well I've been doing rather a lot of that what with all this time on my hands. Still it's come to me as it does from time to time that I might start some sort of semi-religious congregation.

Known to the Heat as a "Commie Terrorist Porn Ring".

Actually that's what the current version of our Red Squad thinks of everybody. You hold a meeting about getting a new bird feeder for your local park you can bet the Heat will be there to check you out.

It's all that "Age of Terror" equipment the Feds have been handing out like gum drops to heat all over the country. Remember that retro-race riot last summer?

Okay how did the cops in a relatively small town get all that artillery? Btw I mean that literally...hey you saw it. Cops decked out like they was about to go into Iraqi combat with armored vehicles choppers the works.

"Mayberry RFD" it ain't.


I digress.

Right as I was saying...from time to time, as "Z" can confirm, I've had the notion of starting some sort of Congregation. Sort of like Jim Jones only we don't move to the jungle kill ourselves or similar bad vibes. 

I think we'd have some mish-mash of Buddhism Hindu bits Catholic drama Sacred Grove of the Mystical Holy Boy, and "Dr. Who" "Star Trek" fandom, least to start.

My dearly departed Uncle John Baptiste aka Uncle J.B. was a fiery seriously sweet, but deranged preacher...runs in the family.  Good 'ol Uncle J.B. was a serious Alcoholic who got the "Cure" via religion. 

Hey whatever works.

Btw he 'may' have been the longest living member of the family. Out-doing our "Aunt Helaina". 

'She' was born before the end of the Civil War. As a very little girl she actually saw the liberation of the Slaves on the plantation her Great Great Great...etc., Grandmother was sold onto.

She called them the "Blue Armymen".

That's how it happened. Union soldiers would reach a town or plantation, and would free whatever Slaves were held there. Mind you this is 'after' the War. Before it they often didn't. The logistics forbade it too often...but that's yet another story. 

"My Aunt Helaina" however who died at 102 saw "Freedom" happen with her own eyes, and passed that story on to us, and now I've passed it on to you.

Somewhere in our huge family there's a photo of her holding me a week after I was born. Imagine. Family hands that were born in Slavery actually 

So she went at 102. Depending in which family faction you're with Uncle J.B. passed at "103!"

I should say here my Dad's side is insanely long lived. Hitting 90 or so is normal for them. My Mom's folks kick the bucket in their late 50's to  middle 60's. I'm seriously hoping things will average out so me, and my sisters make it to at least 80...we'll see.

I digressed again,...I think.

Right. Uncle J.B. was a Minister so why not me. Heck he was in the pulpit for at least 50 years.  So if you count my radio years as being preaching years, and they were...sorta kinda. I still have 20 or so more years to bring the Heathen to the Light or whatever,

So I hereby proclaim:

"Uncle Sydney's First Church of Bewildered Wonderment". 

(...the ink illustration, 1939?, is by Saint Ralph Chubb an early 20th century Brit Peacenik Mystic WW1 vet Pacifist artist publisher, and layabout.)

'Course I'll need time to register with the City...fuck the State or the Feds. Arrange for our annual boat ride up the Hudson. All nut cults, and store-front sects do this.

Then make up some t-shirts get a webpage going, maybe a cool hat. Some assorted toys like the Catholic have. Holy Water prayer beads aka the Rosary fruit flavored condoms...remember safety first!

Most important...Holy Statues to Pray to. See some likely examples in this post.

...and a Lawyer.

Every religion needs some of them. If only to keep track of the love offerings from the assorted rubes, and marks. Yeah I think that about covers it. We can deal with any weird shit that crops up as we go along. Ya know like Angels, and or Demons showing up.

Hey these guys do...I ain't kidding.

Now this is a hell of a free country despite the efforts to fuck it up. So I can start any sort of deranged faith I like. Folks do this all the time. Freedom of Religion no matter how stupid or insane is a closely guarded right up there with the Second Amendment that lets most of us carry automatic weapons around.

Well outside of the NYC limits anyway.

Okay first I need to concoct some sincere sounding prayers. A calendar of Holy Daze Saints Prophets, and all the usual crap that goes with this sort of outfit.

"Blessed be They that know they're being Fucked Over".

...yeah stuff like that. I'll ask my old Occupy pal for help on this aspect. Well alright that's all for tonight on this at least. I must mediate further.

"Praise Be the very Sands,...and hot dogs, of Coney Island!"

"The very Lourdes of the Faith!"

Stay Tuned.

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