Sunday, March 6, 2016
Dogs are pretty good drivers. I remember seeing an episode on early 1960's TV of "Huckleberry Hound". This where he as dog was driving a massive 18 wheeler 'cross country.
True several times during the trip Mr. Hound also "flew" the truck like a 707 over assorted rivers, and the Grand Canyon.
Btw it was things like this that led me to believe that perhaps the works of "Hanna Barbabra" were not entirely accurate portrayals of everyday reality.
Speaking of dogs a friend once explained to me how he became Queer. Seems he was abandoned as an infant. He was eventually found, and raised by Poodles on Central Park West.
From there nature took it's natural course.
But I digress.
This is a classified after action report on the exploits of the above "Huckleberry Hound", and his buddy "Augie Doggie". I assume I need not explain the reality of "Toons", and their relationship with humanity.
Suffice to say they're real.
I always hoped that this report would one day become part of the public record. So our two hero's could finally get proper recognition.
"Operation Holy Ghost"
This was a rogue CIA plan to get the Dali Lama out of Tibet under the noses of the Chi-Coms. All that stuff in the movies about him getting out alone on horseback is official Agency baloney.
It was really a bunch of ex-OSS China hands, and independent idealists. These were mostly Spanish intelligence guys that got out of Spain when Franco took over, and hooked up with MI-6.
That, and CIA professionals that were unhappy with the Cold War Security State they saw growing up around them.
Anyway his jolly band decided to bust the Dali Lama out of Mao's house arrest, and get him to the land of burgers, and fries to go. Our hero's borrowed six prototype stealth hover attack jets from our pals the French.
Stupid frogs still don't know what happened to them.
The formation took off from a field behind a liberal reform Ashram in northern India.
The same one in which ten years later the Beatles would see Angels Demons dead relatives freak the hell out go home, and become bickering assholes then break up.
Huck was in the lead jet of a diamond formation. Augie was his six o'clock the others above, and below eyes peeled for Migs. They flew into Lhasa's restricted airspace via Shigatse.
China's blind spot or so Huck hoped it still was.
Anything could happen..s'matter of fact the boys overflew a huge Antonov transport turbojet. It carried Mao, and his boys to their weekly opium meth speedball gang bang in Nepal.
It was an itchy temptation to shoot a hot sidewinder up his murderous butt. However the mission was rescue not waste disposal.
At sundown on time, and in place they made their hover drop into the court yard of the Lama's palace. Two on the ground four doing combat air patrol over Lhasa.
The Dali Lama, and his family was bundled into Huck's jet. His aids, and important documents into Augie's. His Holiness blessed both his people, and the Chinese occupiers. After goodbyes, and some sort of ceremony about coming back in three lifetimes they were off.
There was a full moon..bad luck that. During the war it was called the "bombers moon". This because it was as good as daylight for finding your target on the ground...or in the air.
Despite that everything was running smoothly. A perfect milk run so naturally everything suddenly went to flaming hell!
It was a set-up a trap.
The details of the "OP" were leaked to the Chinese by the Security State branch of the CIA.
The sky filled with Migs!
20mm rounds 50 cal. slugs bright green, and orange tracers were everywhere. Two hover jets disappeared into bright explosions of fire, and titanium confetti.
Augie Doggie, and Huckleberry Hound drew on all their flying skills gained from dog fights against the German Condor Legion during the Spanish Civil War.
Then later in the Eagle Squadron against the Luftwaffe in the skies over London.
The Pacific in the first all Toon fighter unit the "Devil Dawgs". The terror of Guadalcanal. Tojo himself put prices on their heads.
Later it was the heavens over Korea. Mig Alley! Over the Yalu Huck in his F-86 "Snake Eyes" had 26 confirmed kills.
Huck, and Augie were doing barrel rolls one left one right the surviving hover jets coming up the middle, and firing a spray of four sidewinders each!
The horizon turned to day as Migs are smeared against the sky in fiery plumes. The Dali Lama respectfully asks Huck if indeed all of this violence was necessary.
"Put a sock on it Padre I'm busy save'n ya Holy Butt right now!"
His Holiness considered this then went back to his meditations.
The hoverjets did tight scissor turns through the Mig formations. The object wasn't to shoot them down, but to cause as much flaming confusion for the Chinese as possible.
They had to get to the Indian border where a flight of I.A.F. Hawkers were orbiting, and waiting to escort them to Itanagar. It was on this desperate run that both Huck, and Augie were wounded.
A Mig-17 special night fighter had been held back in case the hover jets made it through the Chinese fighter screen.
The pilot, Eddy Keong who would later defect, and become an Australian game show host chuckled to himself. "That reactionary Monk, and those Air Pirates are Mine!"
Eddy saw the rescue jets back lit from the burning wreckage of his comrades. He came in on a half roll firing a spread of heat seekers, and 20mm incendiary rounds.
Two more of the rescue team were splashed, and Huck, and Augie were further wounded. Huck's canopy shredded. Plexiglas splinters take out an eye, and mangle a paw. Augie loses an ear.
However the Dali Lama, and family are untouched.
A confined space full of razor sharp shrapnel, and not a scratch. I guess that counts as a miracle. ...makes ya think.
The last two rescue jets make it over the border. The Indian Hawkers fire some warning shots in the general direction of the Mig-17. The Indian government later apologizes. 'Training mishap...hey these things happen.
Well the rest you know.
The Dali Lama went on to become a Light unto the World. Huck, and Augie after physical therapy. Basically a glass eye, and false ear. Our hero's end up on Saturday morning cartoons, and cereal boxes.
Ain't life something.