On the same week that an Ivy League economics professor was removed from a flight for fear that his math equations were dangerously Islamic, a bearded fundamentalist was quietly working on compiling an assassination list of politicians in the hopes of overthrowing the U.S. government for being insufficiently theocratic.
Why didn’t you hear about this dangerous terrorist? It might be because he was of the right-wing Christian variety.
Mineral Springs, Arkansas, resident Maverick Dean Bryan, we substitute Mr. Bryan's image with that of the famous "Mikey Rat" for legal reasons. Anyway this Bryan maniac was arrested after he allegedly sent threatening letters to seven Arkansas mayors for a list of crimes that read like a Fox News list of talking points. Bryan was mad about:
- Common Core
- The lack of prayer in schools
- Anyone “who worships any God other than Jesus Christ”
- Gay marriage
- And, of course, socialism, this blog, and diet Pepsi
His ultimate plan was to overthrow the government and create a theocracy.
Understanding that overthrowing the U.S. government was going to take a few bucks. Now get this. Our wack job pal here put out an 'advertisement' in a local paper asking for a $23 million loan. This so he could fund a “Christian army” to help him fight it out. Guns would be provided.
Wow why didn't I think of that!
Bryan had what police said was “an extensive history involving the possession of firearms." Basically this character was going to shoot up the whole damn state...for starters.
(Mr. Bryan, aka ("Mickey Rat") on his way to place that Advert for his War.)
His bright idea was to threaten to murder seven Arkansas mayors unless they caved to his orders from the Lord. Instead, he was arrested. Which was odd since these guys usually hide in plain sight like this grease-ball, and don't get busted till they're shot up every middle school in a 200 mile radius.
Anyway being a “right-wing Christian Nut” and not, say, a Muslim one afforded Bryan a certain amount of leeway.
The first judge that looked at his case decided it would be fine to let him go home while his case worked its way through the legal system. Sure why the hell not. Hey this was just a 'Good ol' Boy' doing his Christian duty.
Thankfully, a somewhat less demented judge took one look at the truly 'staggering' number of dangerous behaviors Bryan had displayed and instead sent Bryan to prison for everyone’s safety.
He currently sits behind bars..eh we assume with his Guardian Angel he calls "Percy"...that's a whole other story. Well this agent of da Lawd now sits in the Klink awaiting trial where he faces up to five years in prison for each of the seven counts involved in mailing death threats to the assorted towns’ mayors.
That adds up to a hell of a stretch. On a personal note. Bryan..."DON"T" pick up the soap.
(Stolen off the web, and re-written a bit for spice.)