Wednesday, December 10, 2014

"Krampus",w/Uncle Syd as Black Peter

The history of the Krampus figure has been theorized as stretching back to pre-Christian traditions. In a brief article discussing the figure, published in 1958, Maurice Bruce wrote:

There seems to be little doubt as to his true identity for, in no other form is the full regalia of the Horned God of the Witches so well preserved. The birch—apart from its phallic significance—may have a connection with the initiation rites of certain witch-covens; rites which entailed binding and scourging as a form of mock-death. The chains could have been introduced in a Christian attempt to 'bind the Devil' but again they could be a remnant of pagan initiation rites.

The Feast of St. Nicholas is celebrated in parts of Europe on 6 December. In Alpine countries, Saint Nicholas has a devilish companion named Krampus On the preceding evening, Krampus Night or Krampusnacht, the hairy devil appears on the streets. Sometimes accompanying St Nicholas and sometimes on his own, Krampus visits homes and businesses.

The Saint usually appears in the Eastern Rite vestments of a bishop, and he carries a ceremonial staff. Unlike North American versions of Santa Claus, in these celebrations Saint Nicholas concerns himself only with the good children, while Krampus is responsible for the bad. Nicholas dispenses gifts, while Krampus supplies coal and the ruten bundles.

Zwarte Piet (pronounced [ˈzʋɑrtə ˈpit]; English: Black Peter, French: Père Fouettard, Luxembourgish: Schwaarze Péiter) is the companion of Saint Nicholas (Dutch: Sinterklaas, Luxembourgish: Kleeschen) in the folklore of the Low Countries. The character first appeared in his current form in an 1850 book by Jan Schenkman and is commonly depicted as a blackamoor. Traditionally Zwarte Piet is said to be black because he is a Moor from Spain.

           (Uncle Sydney above speaking to all the Boys'n Girls via Magic, and or Radio) 

In America especially from roughly the 1990's to the present "Black Peter" is known as Uncle Sidney or Uncle Happy.  He is said to speak to all children both good, and bad in their dreams. Or the radio whichever is more convenient to the youngster.

Uncle Sidney is welcomed into a family's residence usually during the third week of advent. This so as to not crowd Saint Nicholas, and that demented maniac Krampus. Uncle Sidney's message is not so stern as Krampus or so generous as Saint Nicholas.

He's known to understand that human nature is a bad dream in the best of circumstances so cuts everyone some slack. For this he does not give presents, but is given them both as tokens of affection, and payoffs for not giving everybody hell.

Uncle Sidney is usually fed a great feast of fast foods, and soft drinks. As this Americanize Black Peter eats he lectures both the children , and parents on their social responsibilities to the needy, and the necessity of doing something about their crappy collapsing infrastructure. He also does magic tricks...making the electric bill disappear adding a double grace period on the mortgage payments, and arraigning more snow days for the children.

Uncle is no Krampus. In fact they have never got along. There are rumors of actual fist fights between them in the off season. Santa as usual has no comment.

 After giving the finger to assorted bill collectors for the family Uncle Happy or Sidney is led to the master bedroom where is sleeps off all them fries'n burgers till midnight. He then awakens he blesses the house, and all in it, and drives off in his 1956 Buick two tone. He spends this third week in Advent doing all this up'n down the east coast of the U.S.of A.

Krampus does the South, and Mid-West which explains much about their culture out there.

So everyone be good because Uncle Sidney, and some others are watching.

(Um the elves have long since installed surveillance devices in every house in the country. This as sub-contractors for the NSA, and assorted other interested agencies.)

Stay Tuned.


  1. Black Pete, I want a lump of coal for Xmas. Actually a coal mine would be better - uh, as long as I don't have to dig for it or anything onerous like that. And a steam engine - lots of steam engines. And a steam-powered airship. And I wanna be reincarnated as a 13-year-old virgin and lubriciously licked all over by filthy-minded pink-tongued monsters. Come on now, don't let me down!


  2. Umm..I've been getting rather a lot of requests like this of late. I've got the elves doing triple shifts on them Steam Engines. 'Even had to farm some of that work out to my forced labor subsidiaries in Shanghai.

    Coal mines are now out of my hands as the Gubbermint has secretly seized most of them because of the coming crash.

    The Airships are also a problem. I'm tied down with contracts from the U.S. Government to manufacture as many as I can for them. These rats clearly see which way the wind is blowing so to speak, and want to be ready when the shit hit the fan.

    Though for 'you' I'll see what I can do.

    As for that 13 year old virgin business I promise to give 'that' all of my personal attention.

    Yours in Peace through Free Tuition,

    Black Pete!