Saturday, November 26, 2016

"Guest Editotial"

So… when they go low, we get high…

Ironically enough, just like Adolf Hitler, Kamerad Cheesewhiz does not smoke or drink.

The GOP (an acronym which has now acquired a new meaning) seems to have a talent for coming up with presidents that get markedly shittier as the years go by. I had thought that Tricky Dick (channeling both Othello and Iago at the same time) was bad, until Grandpa Droolcup (with his proclivity for impromptu out-of-the-body excursions to his own private movie theater during press conferences and cabinet meetings) was wheeled in.

After that, I would not have believed there was anyone possibly worse… and then, surprise!

Junior Dubya, the trinucleotide-repeat spawn of Papa Bush and Popeye, was selected by the Supreme Court (after also losing the popular vote).

But now… whoa! HOLY SHITTING DICK NIPPLES, BATMANG!!! This absolutely flips the Quantum Biscuit of Entangled Fucktardation into a whole new dimensional realm!!! The orange dung-puppet slouching towards Washington actually makes #43 sound thoughtful, knowledgeable and articulate in comparison, and before this past year I would have thought that was about as likely as seeing Condoleezza Rice shooting corndogs out of her snatch into Kim Jong-un’s mouth while singing “Chattanooga Choo-Choo!” during a meeting of the UN General Assembly.

Several observations irresistibly come to mind…

This bosotro has got to be the most unqualified, unsuitable, inappropriate, inexperienced and ignorant POTUS-to-be in all of U.S. history! Along with being a totally narcissistic, arrogant, self-serving and obnoxious asshole, he has absolutely no understanding of government, economics or the legal system, a hostile disregard of freedom of the press and the First Amendment, utter contempt for religious liberty, and a general, derogative disdain for the Constitution.

He was born into wealth, power and privilege, has never had to actually work or struggle for a living, and considers himself superior to almost everyone else (especially untold numbers of those less fortunate than his over-inflated self and whom he contemptuously dismisses as “losers”). He is also a pathological liar, a bully, a racist, a crook, a swindler, a misogynist and a xenophobe, possessed of a quick temper, very thin-skinned (but with a callused attitude), no impulse control, a penchant for serial sexual assault, the tendency to fling shit at random without concern and an attention span shorter than that of a Playstation 4 advertisement on YouTube.

Just the sort of person whom you want to have with his tiny little hands on The Button! And as if all that isn’t bad enough, he’s back on Twitter again.

But we already knew all of that, right?

It should also be noted that Trump and his campaign seemed to do absolutely everything wrong, and made mistake after mistake on a routine basis - the sort of fuck-ups that would have forced any other candidate to drop out of the race.

But Trump got away with his shit over and over again, and always rebounded, and the repeated idiocy only seemed to make his supporters more and more eager, confident and enthusiastic to the point of mindless fanaticism. And don’t forget the repeated exhortations for and encouragement of violence… by the way, did the hyperemotional crowds and calls for payback seem strangely reminiscent somehow?

And almost all the polls and pundits called it completely wrong, right up to the election (the New York Times gave Clinton a 90% chance of winning, along with the Democrats gaining control of the Senate). So being assured, over and over, that Clinton had the election locked up (even to the extent that Trump, his staff and the GOP were starting to sound resentfully resigned to defeat) served to compound and exacerbate the shock, dismay and disappointment that much more.

It turned out that everyone who had been so confidently expecting a Clinton victory was utterly mistaken, clueless and misled (along with the Clinton campaign itself)… with one of the few very notable exceptions being Michael Moore, who started predicting a Trump victory months ago, and continued to do so right up to Erection Election Day.

Michael seems to have been a bit more realistic and in touch (dare I say down to earth?) than the folks at the Huffington Post, as he actually lives and travels among the Trumpanzees, even going so far as to talk with and listen to them. And by the way, “President Trump” has been a running gag on episodes of The Simpsons (as projections into the future) for some time now. Well, those of us who are now choking on that reality sandwich might not find that “gag” quite so laughable anymore…

The greatest irony of all this is that, while the 2016 election has divided this nation more sharply and deeply than at any time since the manic roller coaster ride of the 1960’s (and possibly even approaching the agony of the Civil War and Lincoln’s first assassination, stopping just short of the commencement of formalized hostilities in uniform following the investiture of Fort Sumter), the consequences of the coming presidency and administration will unite this country as never before under one great unifying, overarching and inescapable truth:


And the cruelest and most telling irony is that a great many of the people who are going to get fucked over the very worst will tend to be the poorest, neediest, least educated, least adaptable, least realistic, least perceptive, and the least capable of defending themselves, in addition to being the most short-sighted, self-righteous, vulnerable, conforming, naive and gullible… namely, the very supporters of Donald Trump who put him into office.

Under the circumstances, perhaps some of those who rejected Trump may think that there is a measure of justice in such consequences, even in spite of their merciless and unforgiving nature, but the very real pain and suffering to be unleashed will be no less horrifying and terrible to see in its all-encompassing relentlessness, pitilessness, indiscrimination and thoroughness.

And those who brought the reckoning down upon themselves still won’t know (or acknowledge) just what hit them, because they will stay caught and trapped, sucked down into a self-made tar pit of stubbornly selfish pig-headed ignorance, feral stupidity and denial, with befuddled minds, dimming eyes and vanishing hopes, as their tragic and desperate lives daily become ever more difficult, confused, constrained, painful, fearful, distracted, purposeless and hopeless while the long, cold, dark night full of terrors descends upon Two Nations Under Trump.

By Weed

Stay Tuned.

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