"Dawgz"

The below is a reply to a nice letter from a dear old friend from my early daze in Broadcast. She went on about all the things we old folks complain about, but mostly her dogs.

She has two.

Excessive. I mean the damn things bark all the time at invisible stuff, and ya needs to walk'em every ten minutes. Otherwise I was happy to hear from her. 

This is my sincere reply.

Glad things are okay. Happy ya gots some dogs over there. Do they cook? That or do shopping like our dog did when I was little. Dogs have become so...well like dogs these days. Can't get them to do bleep. They just sit around licking their nuts sleeping, and eating all the time...what fun is that.

I used to really like watching our dog Brownie type letters to her pen pals, and vacuum the rugs. Brownie earned her keep. Not like the dogs these days...what can ya do.

Times have just changed, and not for the better. Heck dogs today don't even bother to vote, and after all the trouble they went through back in the 70's to get the damned thing in the first place. Well at least they've stopped talking. Brownie would never shut the hell up. All day all night she'd yack about the Dodgers or Milton Berle or how much she hates the cat next door.

We had to lock her in the basement for that, but she would bang on the door all night saying how she needs to go for a walk or she was going to take a heaping wet dump in front of the washing machine.

Fuck it we thought we should trade this neurotic maniac in for a canary,...but never got around to it.

She finally kicked the bucket with a stroke one morning, but she still complained to the end. She wanted us put up a big fucking shrine to her in the yard...with lights. 'Course we said we would, but actually we put her out with the trash.

She's probably waiting in Heaven to give us crap about that.

I say all this to suggest you dump them dogs of yours, and get a damned cat. Can't go wrong with a cat. They mind their own business, and don't need you to help them go to the bathroom. Otherwise how are you?

Love Your Pal

P.S.

I think I may have died some time in the last several years. If so I'll send you my bottle cap collection as I promised.  I'll have to speak to my lawyers about that, and get back to you.